Hello human,
Today is my birthday, and I’m celebrating by bop-bam-boom welcoming you to my first official Substack newsletter! If you’re getting this it means you’re the owner of a mind and heart I treasure and respect, a set of ears sharply attuned to what’s what, and a person I feel safe sharing this softest of launches with.
I’ve been dreaming of / procrastinating / getting requests to write a newsletter for some time. I scoffed at the idea. Like, dove down the wormhole of self-doubt in which no one emerges as Alice and it’s definitely not a fucking Wonderland. Which means I really wanted to do it. Because “negative” emotions are a road map to our truest inner desires. Funny, that.
Also, I recently moved to the mountains from Los Angeles to “get away from people,” and now, since I’m a Modern American In The First World With The Paradox Of Choice And All Styles Of Being Alive Displayed To Me At All Times On The Internet I have now determined — I am lonely!
Also also — my feature film Moon Manor. Maybe you’re here because of the existential death comedy I’ve been co writing, directing and producing with my best friend Machete since 2017. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, here’s the trailer. Now that Moon Manor is out in the world (our theater premiere was February 25th! our Amazon / iTunes release was March 11th!) I don’t really know what to do with myself.
I should probably present myself here in a more composed, professional manner of the Manor. I am now in the Feature Film Director Club! I have made a movie that will soon be streaming on Showtime! But the truth is after the monumental effort and singular focus of making an independent film from scratch that’s getting a beyond-our-wildest-dreams release and reception … answering what everyone keeps asking me
So what’s next?
feels like they’re really saying
It’s really nice and cute you just poured all your emotional and creative bandwidth, email energy, personal, professional and financial resources into telling a story that’s connecting with hearts and minds all over the world, but it’s not enough. Your worth is equal to what you’re accomplishing next, so what’s next?
(I know they most likely aren’t saying the above, they’re just being interested and supportive, but my overtaxed amygdala receives it as such)
The most honest answer to SO WHAT’S NEXT: exhaling, answering emails from 2019, getting back in my body, contemplating my existential dread, hydrating.
And — reconnecting with community. Now that me and Machete’s child (the movie) is off to college (streaming). Now that I’ve traded living in the most populous county in the United States (10 million) for an enclave of an enclave (population 400). Now that I’m engaged to a human man and have kissed goodbye my identity as a Don Juanita cat lady art or die for lyfe. Now that we’re post (amidst?) pandemic and social life is up for revision (and has moved largely online). Now I crave community. A community of humans like me, drawn like moths to the flame of life and death.
So I hope my Substack will be a place for community, and for connecting. For me. For you. For all of us who were rattled to our core by the pandemic and are feeling into how to proceed with our lives socially, emotionally, economically, psychologically and spiritually.
Maybe you know someone who feels the same?
But what is Substack, you might be asking? It’s a new yet familiar way for writers to write, independent of publishers and the powers that be. Like blogging or Patreon, but better. This article explains it more. I love writing alongside some of my literary heroes. Like the Substacks of Patti Smith and George Saunders, to name a few.
So! When you hit that cute little “subscribe” button, you will be getting access to some of the community projects I’ve been noodling on 4-eva that will finally have a home here on Substack, such as:
My First Times — A series of creative nonfiction vignettes in which I recount all my first times (first job, first crush, first time realizing my parents were people not just My Parents, sexy firsts, scary firsts, so on and so forth), and then YOU, my dear community, shares your story of that same first in the comments. Is it going to work? No idea. Let’s find out!
Culture Club — A monthly literary salon that would make Gertrude Stein squeal, but held on Zoom rather than her Parisian apartment. Same same. Inspired by the book club I hosted for Caviar during the pandemic, but casting a wider net than *just* reading a book, we’ll consume and discuss articles, poems, and probably paintings, films, music videos, all curated by the community. Expect makers of said creative offerings to join live to talk about their work. I managed to get personal hero Leslie Jamison to join for our book club (we were discussing her book so it made sense, and by “managed” I mean I sent her publicists, agents and managers sweet and persistent emails until someone passed the appearance request along to Leslie). So expect magic! And an offshoot of recs to read / watch / listen to, inspired by the Cuban paqueta, which I’ve been obsessing over since I visited in 2016.
Open Letters — A series of Op Ed’s I’ve been writing as a morning practice to help me cope with living in a pre apocalyptic America. You’ll be invited to submit your own.
In addition to the community projects and independent-artist-undertaking-massive-project-advice-giving, I’ll also be writing about things I think about: movies, dismantling the male gaze, honoring indigenous cultures, witchy stuff, psychedelic experiences and plant medicine, virtue signaling, embracing grief and death as a path to freedom and joy, cats, traveling, 90s nostalgia, screenwriting, women and crypto, weed and reading, cannabis legalization as the flashpoint of everything that’s wrong and right in America, short essays and medium manifestos, all geared toward those of us who have too many interests. Like moi.
And! Some solid “How To’s” that I hope will be of service (and create value that will inspire you to become a p a i d subscriber), that I usually teach at workshops and cost $$$ but you’ll get for the low monthly price of just $6 (is this a mattress sale?) such as … How To: pitch and publish as a travel writer, develop a screenplay, write a pilot episode as amazing as the Breaking Bad pilot (which everyone thinks is the best ever but I disagree), raise funding for your creative project, find the love of your life, communicate with your past and future, avoid jail, get into concerts for free, die before you’re dead so you learn how to be happy once and for all (ayahuasca).
And I plan to share a lot of stories and insights from the process of making Moon Manor. Which I believe will be of use to anyone undertaking a large scale project — be it a movie, a book, a start-up, or anything that demands all your attention, you stay up at night dreaming about it, and you seek inspiration on how to keep going, project management, leadership, fundraising, collaboration, even advice on how to do your goddamn payroll and taxes because we had to learn by doing. All this to come. For now I’ll say: the struggle is equal to the prize.
I don’t mean the prize is so great you won’t mind the struggle.
You will mind it. You will hate it and want to give up a 1,000 times.
What I mean is the struggle is equally of value to the prize. What you’ll learn about yourself, the world, how art and commerce intertwine, all the struggling to keep going and stay inspired, those lessons are equal to the prize.
Basically, this newsletter will encompass all the moons that circle the Planet that is Granat.
For more of my WHY, check out my About page. But I think this was pretty thorough?
This letter feels too sales-y.
Subscribe if you want to. Or not. Happy birthday to me.
See you around!
Erin